Chapter 24

- where life in a metro is not just a movie but the new life

- where there are fewer friends and more colleagues

- where 9 to 5 is a reality

- where missing the 8 AM bus is a disaster

- where 'cognitive dissonance' is not just a feeling, but part of evey mornings and evenings on a working day

- where the weather is constantly a hazy shade of winter

- where doing your laundry, cleaning up after each meal and making your own breakfast is not a choice

- where a quick trip to your neighborhood chaiwala on a saturday evening is a distant dream (literally)

- where long distance relationships are not limited to just the girlfriend

- jahaan khwaishon mein lipti hai zarooratein

- where an sms saying "Hello :-)" at 4.26 PM from someone brings a smile to your face and is more satisfying and exciting than anything else.

- where 'Life' is exactly something like it...

PS : (one week after joining.. At the lunch table)
Boss : So.. Are you liking it..?

Me : I think its too early to say.. I'm still settling in.. But i think i'll start liking it soon...

Boss : *smiles* i was talking about the food...

Me : *smiles* me too...

PPS : where blogs are written and posted through phone... :-)

Entr’acte

Literal Translation : between the acts

More commonly known as : Intermission

Although most of the new age movies (except the ones made in India of course) have entirely given up the concept of intermissions, only a few true admirers of art and theatre understand the importance and meaning of the 15-30 minutes break between events such as a theatrical play or an opera or a musical concert.

These breaks were originally intended for actors or musicians or singers to take a break and for the audience to refresh themselves and socialize. Although it wasn’t long before an intelligent director used these entr’actes to define the story he was presenting to his audience. He would open the act with slow and deliberate introductions of his main characters giving little or no hint about their interconnections that will be the story at the end. He would bring in his protagonists, make us love a particular character and feel blithe ignorance or may be even annoyance and anger towards other. We would be introduced to the whites and blacks of the story, the rights and wrongs. And just when everyone in the audience starts to believe that they know exactly where the story is going or who is right and who is wrong, an act, minuscule in its length but humongous in its importance is played, re-capturing the attention of those naïve (may be even imbecile) viewers, who are in awe and amazement and filled with morbid curiosity about what is going to follow. And at that exact precise moment, the house lights blink on and the usher with a handheld glockenspiel walks into the crowd playing the chime which signals the ‘intermission’ and shouts out, “to be continued”. The audience sighs and talks to each other in hushed excitement and try to predict what is going to happen in the second half. Thus, it seems that the genius director has succeeded in keeping his audience excited and interested for what may or may not be an exciting climax (or anti-climax at that).

You see the director’s idea was never to create that interest. His mere intention was to make sure the audience came back.

24 years. I lived in this city. The place I can’t recall when I started calling ‘my’ city. The streets that I grew up on, the entire city, the ones that I know like the back of my hand and a few that I just have had enough of. The city that I have seen growing like a tree, branches growing wild and uncared, leaves turning yellow every autumn, hit by lightening every year, but still standing strong.

The city that I would always love and want to come back to.

The city that I have had enough of for now.

The city that I leave tomorrow…

Anonymous : You’re leaving ! Great ! But what happens to what you call life.. or something like it?

Me : to be continued…:)

"updates"

Mood :
Confused.. Blank.. Hopeful.. Uncertain

Song :
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence

- Simon & Garfunkle

Need :
- to say oh so many things to oh so many people
- to feel peace
- to sing.. to laugh..
- to be certain
- to know if love is more of a decision than an emotion

Future :
- tense
- far
- hopefully bright

Final Thoughts :
As pessimists(parading around as realists) we live in the world of worst case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from the possibilities of hoping and wishing. But every now and then even a pessimist starts to be wanting to believe in hope. More often than not, we are told, this is followed by something extra ordinary...

Life’s mathematics..

I know this person who I have met probably just over 10 times in a period of almost 2.5 years of having known them. But this person is one of those very few people who I am glad to have in my life.

Following is a reply to an email that I sent to this curious soul who wanted to know a few things about me. Now I don’t really want to go into the details of it, but the email did have a brief mention of my liking to mathematics and its use in day to day life. I tried to explain it in my own not so special way, but when I got this email, I knew exactly what I wanted to say all along.

So here it is, with just a few nips and tucks..

“let me tell you a maths story...(…) the year was 2005, classs 11, and i was in this physics class with N sir, who if i havnt mentioned ever, is by far the greatest (almost) (physics atleast) teacher ever... this is the question:

Evaluate: x^2 - 4

x - 2

when x=2

it took us about 5 seconds to announce that the answer was 0... (…)... then N sir says this: how zero?? as far as i can see, the answer could be 0/something or something/0 or 0/0... in which case the values SHOULD be either 0, or not defined, or infinite, or 1... so how do we figure zero??

none of us knew the answer to that one... what he was leading to was calculus and differentiation and limits and other ill-intentioned concepts, but there was this one thing that he said that made more sense than all of it put together... he said - All of life's problems can be reduced to simple maths equations, just like this one. And for all these equations there appears to be a really obvious answer. If you mark that answer you will 9 times out of 10 get the marks on your exam. But sometimes, it takes only a few seconds of extra attention to see that there are other possibilities. That maybe the most obvious answer isnt the right answer. And maybe the problem isnt as one dimensional as it looks. Because the problem is not of figuring the answer. The problem is to make the choice. They all look like they mean the same thing. But theyre all very, very different.

reduce your problems to simple equations... theyll be easier to solve... and more fun too”

PS: :-)

Realizations...

Death is rarely a sublime and often a profound realization for those who have been touched by it..

This past week I had the unfortunate chance to be 'touched' by three deaths.. none of the people who died were whom i would term friends.. acquaintances rather.. and in one case, just a name..

the week started when i learnt that a guy who i knew from school died in a car crash.. it was on the ahmedabad - baroda expressway (i am told).. he was apparently traveling with his family from a'bad to baroda and had just entered the junction to enter into the city.. since i know where he lived, i would say their car would have been hardly 10 minutes from home.. but his path abruptly changed course for the worst when a speeding state transport bus decided to ignore all mathematical calculations of the time taken at the current speed to cover the distance between the point it was at and the point where it could pass the hyundai santro either before it entered the junction or just passed it safely.. the result was a crunch of metal that left a mother dead who just wanted to get home to her daughter, a father critically injured and a son, brother, dead.. this when his orkut profile screamed how he was looking forward to going back to Indore in a few days..

fast forward and its Thursday..

i come home from work and the old 'dada' from the home across the street to us is up and around doing his usual chores of cleaning the veranda though it really isn't dirty at all, feeding biscuits to street dogs and talking out loud to them about how it was just last monsoon when they were born and are now so huge.. i hardly notice him as i park my bike and open the gate to my home.. a quick casual glance is made and returned and we are back to our usual business subconsciously thinking.. no.. believing that the same will happen the next day...
hardly 25 minutes later my mom slams through the door to my room shouting that the 'dada' had just collapsed.. just like that and was being rushed to the hospital.. another 30 minutes later..

the cries..

no it wasn't anyone of his family members..

in fact.. it was one of mine..

my sister..

she just got a call that a guy from her dance class.. someone i know only as 'hari bhaiyya'.. died of prescription drug overdose.. leaving behind a younger sister and a brother to mourn once again.. years after they lost their parents..

precisely 10 minutes later.. another cry.. this time from the house across the street.. the man i had seen every single day since the past 12 years and had only said a handful of words to in all this time, he who i only knew as 'dada'... dead of heart failure..

like i mentioned earlier.. none of these people are those i was close to.. just people i knew.. just names i had heard..

but the realizations are unmistakably clear...

its that time of the year again i guess.. time to think what you've done.. evaluate what you've achieved (and not achieved)..

i took some time off of work a few days ago and just tried spending time to myself.. trying to not do anything.. and thats when i realized how truly hard it is to do precisely that.. nothing.. i tried telling this to another one of my friends who keeps telling me how he'd like to take a few days off his work, away from his wife and kids to just go somewhere and do nothing.. he was uterly mortified at the thought that doing 'nothing' is hard.. may be harder yet than what we call 'usual work'...

but its kinda true..

so i ended up surfing a lot of websites.. reading a few blogs that i follow regularly.. and then i kinda did something that i think i should have done a little earlier.. read my own blog and other things that i wrote, drew, sketched, etc..

it was quite a revelation i must admit.. in a few hours time, i almost travelled a span of 3.5 years(may be more).. some of these 'flash backs' were something that i could have lived without visiting and some were purely priceless..

i have said this over and over again and every time i say it, it tends to make my belief in it even more firmer..

its bloody marvelous how time flies and how things change and shape up in your life..

one day, which you feel is like a couple of weeks ago, you are starting your blog..
then another, which feels a few days ago, you are writing about how May has arrived and how you see the year shaping up..
then another, which feels like yesterday, where you are writing about another such, but different, May and the year..
and suddenly.. just out of no where you realize..

Its May again ! !

Funny.. sad.. hillarious.. emotionless..

So many cross roads have been passed.. so many boxing rings entered into.. some won.. some lost.. so many randomness visited, inherited, remembered and re-visited.. all in fun.. some called 'serendipity'.. some 'philosophical'..
so many mirrors stared into.. some looking straight through them.. some straight through you..
so many travels made alone.. but seldom ending up lonely.. a few rains felt.. a few roses smelt.. music lived.. moments lost..
a few stories told.. quite a few read.. some inspiring.. some tiring.. mostly worth remembering..
a lot of space created, and entered into.. some inevitable turns made as well.. some with views better than the turn.. some better after.. some ended.. others had ends..
there were talks about God on the way as well... and it was all truth.. nothing made up..

all in all.. its been alright.. this year and the last.. and the one before that.. may be and probably the one before that too..

one can only hope and wish and pray and plead and work to continue..

i finally figured what blogs are for.. some are just to help you put words to thoughts.. it doesnt really matter if someone reads.. thats really not the point (unless ofcourse if you are the fake ipl player, brilliant blog i think).. you write, not because you are a writer.. not even because you want to be a writer or want someone to read.. you write to do just that.. write..

but i really wonder if i will continue blogging now...

100 Truths !

This post is in part inspired by a very good friend who has been rather nicely telling me to bring some life back to the randomness and in part a social networking site that I seldom admit to visiting. But this is totally worth it... so here goes nothing...

1. Last beverage – Tea
2. Last phone call – Amit
3. Last text message – Nancy
4. Last song you listened to – Wings of a Butterfly
5. Last time you cried – One year ago

HAVE YOU EVER.

6. Dated someone twice? – Yes
7. Been cheated on? – Hmm
8. Question No. 8 is "still" missing!
9. Lost someone special? – Yes
10. Been depressed? - Yes
11. Been overseas? – Yes

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS.

12. Red
13. Blue
14. Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU.

15. Enjoyed - Yes
16. Made new friends – Yes
17. Fallen out of love – No
18. Laughed until you cried – No
19. Met someone who changed you – No
20. Found out who your true friends were – No
21. Found out someone was talking about you – Yes
22. Kissed anyone on your facebook friend's list – Yes
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life – a little more than half
24. How many kids do you want to have – 2
25. Do you have any pets – Yes. Brownie the Daschund
26. Do you want to change your name – No
27. What did you do for your last birthday – Went out with girlfriend and some really close friends
28. What time did you wake up today – 3.30 PM
29. What were you doing at midnight last night – Taking a break
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for – A Direction
31. Last time you saw your father – 12 hours ago
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – My luck, if there is such a thing that is...
33. What are you listening to right now – Duniya from the movie Gulaal… absolutely brilliant lyrics
34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – Yes
35. What's getting on your nerves right now? – The urgency to do something
36. Whats your real name – Krishnadas Jayaprakash
37. Relationship Status – Comitted
38. Zodiac sign – Leo
39. Male or female - Male
40. Natural Hair colour? - Black as only a mallu can be
41. Hair color now – Black
42. Pet Peeve – double standards
43. Need Glasses? – have them
44. Long or short – hmm.. controversial.. I am going to say, more than enough to satisfy
45. Height – 5’10 sheesh…
46. Do you have a crush on someone – No
47. What do you like about yourself? – I can when I want
48. Piercings – No
49. Tattoos – Yes
50. Righty or lefty - Righty

FIRSTS.

51. First surgery – None
52. First piercing – None
53. First tattoo – 2007
54. First best friend – relative
55. First sport you joined – None
56. First pet – The dog I own right now
57. First vacation – Agra
58. First crush – A girl from school whose name I just cant remember
59. First alcoholic drink – Whiskey

RIGHT NOW.

60. Smoking - No
61. Eating – nothing
62. Wearing – White shirt, black jeans, sneakers
63. I'm about to – leave for Pune
64. Speaking to – No one
65. Waiting to – finish this

YOUR FUTURE.

66. Want kids? – Yes
67. Want to get married? – Havent decided
68. Careers in mind? – HR/Finance/Author/Traveller


WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

69. Lips or eyes – Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses – Hugs
71. Shorter or taller – Shorter
72. Older or Younger – Older
73. Romantic or spontaneous – spontaneous
74. Nice stomach or nice arms – stomach
75. Tattoos or piercings – Tattoos
76. Sensitive or loud- Sensitive
77. Hook-up or relationship – relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant - Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER.

79. Kissed a stranger – No
80. Drank hard liquor – Yes
81. Lost glasses/contacts – No
82. Sex on first date – No
83. Broken someone's heart – Yes
84. Had your own heart broken – Yes
85. Been arrested? – No.
86. Turned someone down - Yes
87. Cried when someone died – Yes
88. Liked a friend that is a girl - No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN.

89. Yourself – Yes
90. Miracles – No.
91. Love at first sight – No
92. Heaven – No
93. Santa Claus – No
94. Kissing on the first date? No
95. Angels – and demons? No.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – No
97. Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time? – No
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? – Yes
99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? – Dignity.
100. Are you sure you want to post this with the title “100 truths”? – Yes, Absolutely !